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Monday, 28 May 2007

Her Room

How those Guardian competitions do get us going, to be sure. Recently in their Poetry Workshop they asked for dramatic monologues. Here are just some of the rules:

1. Think of a situation where your speaker (A) is talking to another person (B), at a certain place.2. Speaker A wants to tell listener B something about person C, whom B may or may not know. 3. In talking about person C, speaker A should let slip their attitude to C that may expose a 'weakness' in A. 4. You could also involve the reaction of listener B through the comments of speaker A.
Further considerations: a. Try to establish the setting within the opening lines. Only delay this information if it will add to the drama of the situation. b. Make sure you have signalled clearly to the reader what the basic relationship between A and B is. c. Plan carefully the order in which you want A to say the things that need to be said about C.


You can read File's monologue on Pseudscorner. Here's mine (and before anyone sends flowers I should add that it's completely fictional):




Her Room

by Zephirine



I’ve never liked her. If you met her, you’d know what I mean -
Cold air of rightness. Cropped hair, lipstick the wrong shade.
You think I’m not being fair to her? Perhaps, but don’t forget
She’s handed me some pretty awful moments
since she first took my case.

Another glass? - oh, come on.. After all
- waiter, please! -
we’ve something to celebrate!

Her room has carpet with red flecks on squares of grey,
curtains that hang limp in a corpselike shade of beige;
she has a desk, dark wood with brass bits and a name
in front of which she sits, and looks at you, so calm.
When I first met her in that room my knees were weak
I felt my life turn, change, and slide under my feet,
and every homely certainty dissolve and fade.
She said, “I thought you’d want to hear it straight.”

Where’s he gone now? Ah yes, he’s over there -
- waiter, please! -
More champagne for both of us!

I’ve never liked her. Of course, she was doing the right things.
She was the expert. She knew what I’d be going through.
You think I blamed her for the pain? Yes, but she’s used to that.
And when she said today “It’s in remission”,
I could have kissed the bitch.

11 comments:

file said...

when you see it presented here it looks easy doesn't it?

but it takes a bit of thought, try it

a story of all life, death and reprieval on a red flecked grey carpet, so simple so powerful so stunning

thanks for sharing Zeph

DoctorShoot said...

ah Zeph
a lyrical and gritty encounter, with virginia woolfe as doctor....
flowers anyway

offsideintahiti said...

Zeph,

I won't stay long, as I'm not very good at confronting my darkest fears. Except, of course, by exorcism through laughter.

The French humorist Pierre Desproges (1939-1988), said that when he was told he had cancer, he went to a seafood restaurant and ate a crab, making the score one-all.

Anonymous said...

Thanks guys. It was hard to find a situation with enough drama to provoke poetry of that very specific kind, I suppose one falls back on 'life-or-death' situations. Slightly inspired by a friend's mother who has just been diagnosed.
Also, the cliche is that patients find their doctors wonderful! But actually it's often not so.

file said...

zeph, the complexity of conflicting human emotion is clearly felt through your words

it is difficult to think of a fitting situation, with the right dynamic and drama, but without forcing anything

I thought your Mike Gatting idea was good too and I came upon Jim Wicks in the same way, think sports may be a rich seam of potential for this style of monologue

tho sports drama is usually one step removed from real human drama whereas yours isn't, not coached in metaphor but complex and real

offside,

I have a lot of sympathy for your position! and what a great example; Pierre 1 Crab 1, the scoring draw

DoctorShoot said...

Zeph
just came back and read your chillingly beautiful piece again.
Love it so much....

"I felt my life turn, change, and slide under my feet,...."

the red flecks in the grey...
more flowers zeph....

Anonymous said...

Thanks doc!

Anonymous said...

Zeph - read it twice to get it lodged in the heart as well as the head.

I can barely acknowledge the denoument for fear of the set-up.

I remember sitting in such a room and wondering about others and what it must feel like being told otherwise.

Zephirine said...

You can now read the Guardian poet's comments at

http://books.guardian.co.uk/poetryworkshop/story/0,,2095176,00.html

Anonymous said...

Well done Zeph - big paper stuff!

The comments were a bit technical, but I guess that's the game there.

I remember having to analyse "The Red Wheelbarrow" by William Carlos Williams and being told I got it all wrong because I wrote about the feelings it aroused and not its metre or whatever.

Anonymous said...

Yes, if you look at those poetry workshops they're essentially about getting people to write in different forms, so the challenge is technical and the appraisal likewise - quite refreshing really. I was sorry Daljit Nagra didn't pick File's poem because I thought it was at least as good as the other ones picked, but obviously he prefers mythology to boxing!