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POEMS AND OTHER PIECES, published under pseudonyms --- Send your offerings to THIS ADDRESS FOR CONSIDERATION --- zephotherstuff@gmail.com
15 comments:
That has given me the first huge cackle for days! I was just wondering when the Nigerian spams would come in and they duly did.
Truly excellent and I thank you Filo.
Great, File, first Christmas card of the year and will probably be the funniest.
-Uncle File has a farm
He, hi, he, hi, ho!
You forgot replica watches. Luckily, I have a sackfull of them. Rolex, anyone?
Hey, what's this 12th day of Christmas business? How does it work? I was under the impression there was just one day of Christmas, otherwise known as Christmas Day.
And where's the audio file? I wanna hear Filou sing this.
Offie - the 12 days of Christmas run from Christmas Day through to January 6th (Epiphany/Feast of Kings) which used to be called Twelfth Night in England. Can't believe you don't celebrate each one of them, think of all the different creatures you could eat!
Just in case your amazing knowledge of English culture doesn't include the original song, here it is. Not quite as good as File, but still.
And this is the maddest spam I've ever received - forgive me posting it at length, but I feel it deserves to be shared:
"From: Dr. Mrs. Jacqueline Fiszman.
Flat 3, 8/F, Yue Fung Industrial Bldg.,
35 - 45 Chai Wan Kok St., Tsuen Wan,
N.T., Hong Kong.
My dear.
I am writing you on-behalf of my husband, who couldn’t contact you earlier than now, due to his tight schedules.
To refresh your memory; my husband (Daniel Fiszman), is one of the directors with ARSENAL football club in UK. See his profile below;http://www.arsenal.com/article.asp?thisNav=the+club&article=344291&lid=Corporate+Info&Title=The+Arsenal+Board
He wishes to inform you about his success in securing that money, (the over invoiced) which originated from the 100 million GBP sterling contract, that "ARSENAL FOOTBALL CLUB" signed with her major sponsor, "FLY EMIRATE AIRLINE", sometime ago. See also below; http://media.guardian.co.uk/site/story/0,14173,1320212,00.html
My husband however, secured this over invoiced with the cooperation/assistance of a new partner, (a Hong Kong based African). And presently we are in Hong Kong with this partner for market research/investment purpose.
Meanwhile, my husband did not forget your past efforts and attempt to assist him then, despite the fact that it failed. And now, he wants you to contact the following institute below, for a deposit he made at the bank of Africa, in your favor, through the institute;
Western Avenue Capital Credit and
Financial Management.
Carr # 1451 Rue De Ouidan,
Immeuble St. Joseph quarter,
Cotonou. Republique du Benin.
Please ask them to send to you the total sum of 1.250.000.00 GBP sterling, which my husband mapped out and kept for you to serve as a reimbursement/compensation for all your past efforts/humbleness.
We hereby expressed our appreciation on your efforts at that time and the manner you protected his interest till date. And so he asked you to feel free and get in touch with the institute and instruct them where to send the amount to you."
I like the reference to my humbleness, and the GU link is a nice detail.
I've just received an email from the government of Nigeria, advising me to "remember to ignore every communication from any group or individual regarding your inheritance fund because the
scammers and imposters are all over the whole world looking for whom to devour."
I'm touched by their concern for my welfare.
Filou,
can we use it for personal holidays cards?
Thanks Zeph, nothing of the sort in France, we stuff ourselves for Xmas, then for New Year, and then, starting on january 6th (Épiphanie) we stuff ourselves with "galette des rois" every day for a month. Then some people pretend to stop eating a bit for Lent and then it's Easter and we can stuff ourselves with chocolate. And imprudent bunnies.
Français farcis, then?
You could say that, although some would argue "français farcis" is actually a Scottish delicacy.
G, you can use it for whatever you want, but don't forget you heard it hear first!
In my No-Bull prize for Lumpature acceptence speech I will refer to pomes as the Tormentor of Job, driving us ever onward, inward and upward while comparing them to the Little Boy Who Cried Wolf (right, but at the wrong time)
thanks Mimi and Zeph, a little early for Xmas cards perhaps but sincerely meant all
Scottish delicassies and no-one yet has mentioned the obvious haggis or the strange and bizarre Black Bun?
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