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photo of Coypu (nutria) in Dortmund Zoo by Timo Sack
The Coypu is lacking in charm
it is like a large rat, but aquatic
it makes holes in the banks of a stream
and the damage it does is dramatic
The Coypu has bright orange teeth
a look which is seldom in fashion
and at times has been bred for its meat
which, though low-fat, does not inspire passion
You could wear Coypu fur as a cloak
if that is your idea of clothing
though you might risk a sudden attack
from protestors who’d view you with loathing
Coypu ravaged the Anglian Broads
till instructions came from the judiciary
and we're told the obstreperous hordes
were wiped out by the Min. Ag. and Fishery
with every assurance and platitude
that humanely their weapons were working...
but with orange incisors and attitude
the Coypu may somewhere be lurking
'Passport to Pimlico'(1949)
Drinking until you fell flat on your face,
getting through sixty untipped fags a day,
stuffing yourself with bacon rolls and buns
regardless of what the doctor might say,
let alone the wife, whose appointed place
was to get your washing and ironing done,
cook a decent dinner and clear away.
You can see it might have been a lot of fun.
No washing-up or hanging the clothes out,
hoovering or mopping the kitchen floor,
talking to the kids or cooking the grub,
all that New Man stuff would be out the door.
No poncy foreplay or fiddling about,
a brisk embrace and then straight to the nub,
taking thirty-five seconds and no more,
then get your drawers on and down the pub.
Of course there were some serious downsides,
work, lawn-mowing, creosoting the shed,
an adherence to ancient traditions
which made experiment pretty well dead
so life experience was less than wide,
no art or culture or erudition,
no decent shampoo, and a limited
repertoire of sexual positions.
Personal hygiene was largely absent,
only tramps would have beards like that today,
and there’s no shortage of things to condemn,
like attitudes to women or being gay:
sometimes those chaps were rather unpleasant.
But they were taken prisoner by their time
like us, and finally one can only say
we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.
'I'm All Right Jack' (1959)
